Writing

Wednesday Words: the Karen edition

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You know the old advice of wearing clean underwear just in case you’re in an accident? It’s next level when you just throw a sweatshirt on over your pajama shirt and leave the house.

It starts off like any other day. Coffee and taking Chaney to school.

Except it isn’t. I have precisely two days a year that everyone in my house goes to school or work but I’m off for a bank holiday. This is one of those rare days so I am wearing my pajamas for school drop off. I have big dreams of writing at home in my PJ’s all day. Alone.

I make it home unscathed and celebrate by finishing a book. I’ll spare you all the details but while I was making breakfast my dogs managed to tear into a fifty pound Amazon box that contained their food. It was sitting in our study; the place I was going to write in peace all day.

Dog food everywhere and a box that I cannot move means that my day is changing. I clean up the food and get ready to go out in public. Yes, this time I put a on a bra AND lip gloss.

I head to Barnes & Noble and set myself up at a table. I order my coffee and decide writing here isn’t going to be so bad.

Now someone is talking. We’ll call her Jane. She’s asking me if I can move because her group always sits at the table I’m currently occupying.

Um sure, Jane.

I certainly don’t want to start something at my local B&N. And maybe it’s a book club. That would make sense. They’re retired. It’s their routine.

I move one table over and unpack again. By this time Jane, Cathy, and Sue have gathered and ordered their coffee.

Karen is late. Jane finds this strange because Karen is never late but what a way to start their meeting – with one of them late.

Definitely a book club. I wonder what book they will be discussing? This could be fun.

Late Karen shows up. She explains that she was cooking a turkey and had to carve it.

What?

Jane, Cathy, and Sue share my confusion. Thanksgiving is 10 days away.

All eyes are on Karen now as she explains that yes, she cooked and sliced the turkey today. It’s sitting out and cooling while she’s at this “meeting”. Once room temperature, she freezes the meat and then defrosts it Thanksgiving morning; her family has never noticed.

KAREN.

I fully admit to looking over at Karen with disdain. I am not alone in my outrage because, food safety. I take a moment to silently judge while her trio of friends all start talking at once.

They are loud and hen pecking comes to mind.

I stop writing and start reading a book. It’s easier to eavesdrop while reading the same page over and over.

The scolding of Karen finally stops when her coffee is ready and she jumps when her name is called to pick it up. The conversation shifts to their Facebook feeds and did you see what so and so posted?

Sue likes Facebook for finding recipes and now they are talking about recipes for Thanksgiving.

Two things: I did not give up my table for a book club. And this recipe discussion is not going to go well for Karen.

Sue tells everyone about a sweet potato dish that she made last year. Jane comments that it sounds wonderful and probably freezes well.

JANE.

I almost spit out my coffee and I know it’s time to go. As I’m packing up Jane thanks me for moving.

Oh, I’m so glad I did and I’m so happy that I put on a bra for this.

I smile and wish them a happy Thanksgiving.

And good luck to you and your family, Karen. Because Jane is putting this shit on Facebook.

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