• Book Reviews,  mental health

    Checking In: book review

    Title: Checking In

    Author: Michelle Williams

    Publisher: Thomas Nelson

    Publish date: 5/25/21

    Pages: 240

    Genre: Depression/Anxiety Help, Celebrity Biography

    Synopsis

    “I need help.”

    Acclaimed musical artist Michelle Williams shares the intimate, never-before-told story of how, even in the midst of enormous fame and success, she battled depression, leading her to find her true calling as an advocate for mental health–especially her own.

    As a member of Destiny’s Child, one of the top female R&B groups of all time, Michelle Williams felt blessed. After the group disbanded, she continued to create bestselling albums, appear on television shows, and star in theater productions. Though she had always struggled with low moods, in 2018 her depression deepened, and when she found herself planning her own funeral, she checked herself into a treatment facility. There she found the help she needed to live out the incredible story God was writing for her life.

    In her first book, Michelle courageously shares the hidden secrets that nearly ended her life; the importance of her faith, family, and friends; and the lessons she learned about prioritizing her mental health. She is on a quest to increase mental health awareness and urges others to understand the importance of “checking in” with themselves, God, and others. Her candid, often humorous, and incredibly brave book will inspire readers who desire hope for their own difficult times.

    Review

    This book is an honest and refreshing look at depression. I have personally battled depression for many years and anytime I can read something and fell less alone, it’s a good read for me.

    To be upfront, I’m working my way through this book and I’m not finished with it yet. It’s that kind of book – it demands your attention, thoughts, and an honest look at your own life.

    I love the idea of checking in with yourself – a foreign concept to me. I’m not good at self-assessing my own feelings and struggle with prioritizing my mental health.

    That previous sentence – it caught up with me in a big way in the past year but I’m getting better everyday at setting boundaries and paying attention to my physical health and my mental health.

    Michelle also writes about checking in with others – something similar to what I wrote about last week. Many of us have lost touch with each other.

    This book is one I would recommend to anyone that struggles with trauma, depression, and/or anxiety. The author tells her own story beautifully and provides a feeling of hope to the reader.

    Want your own copy of Checking In?

    Enter my giveaway on Instagram or Facebook! 

    Thanks to TLC Book Tours and Thomas Nelson for the gifted copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

    Purchase Links

    Thomas Nelson | Amazon | Barnes & Noble

    Connect with Michelle

    Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

     

  • Writing

    The Book vs. The Author

    You read the blurb, you see a few reviews on Instagram or Goodreads, and you settle in to read your new book.

    But what happens when the talented individual behind the writing turns out to be a terrible human?

    A.J. Finn

    I recently had the opportunity to participate in an advanced screening of the trailer for The Woman in The Window by the infamous A.J. Finn.

    Included with this opportunity was a live Q&A with some of the actors. And they are heavy hitters – Julianne Moore, Amy Adams, Gary Oldman, Jennifer Jason-Leigh… you get the point. It should be an excellent adaptation of a great book.

    But there’s just one problem: the author has done terrible things. A.J. Finn appears to have lied about so many things in his personal life that he can’t even keep those straight. And I have no doubt that he has a serious mental illness, or two.

    His behavior is frequently blamed on his mental health. And while it’s another extreme, the violence so prevalent in our society is also blamed on mental illness.

    More on mental health in a moment because it shouldn’t be the scapegoat here.

    J.K. Rowling

    Unless you live under a rock, you are aware that Rowling has made multiple problematic and transphobic statements. When confronted, she doubled down.

    She made a conscious choice to take that stance. It cannot be blamed on mental health – she is simply an intolerant, transphobic, narrow-minded person.

    So what about the books?

    Do we look past the problematic authors in favor of the art? Or do we throw our Harry Potter books in the trash?

    For centuries reader have devoured books by authors without knowing much much about their backgrounds. There was even a time when a reader didn’t even know the gender of the author.

    The art prevailed.

    At least until a later time when truly problematic behaviors were unearthed.

    So what’s next?

    J.K. Rowling is making a conscious choice to be transphobic. She has been given opportunities to make things right – because really, there’s no room for hate – and she has chosen otherwise.

    Books in the trash.

    A.J. Finn has major personal issues, serious mental health issues, and a terrible reputation that is bypassed because of talent.

    Art prevails.

    I’m aware that there are other questions about his work but there’s too much to cover here. The New York Times has an excellent article that dissects every part of his story.

    Mental Health

    In America, we love to blame mental health on bad decisions, tragic events, and horrific behavior. But that’s all we do because it’s the easy target.

    Do we make mental healthcare accessible to everyone?

    Absolutely not.

    It’s a mechanism of sensationalism in both fiction and real life.

    So why would we want to tackle the issue head on?

    It runs the media, it sells books and tickets to movies, and quite honestly it’s a sick fascination.

    The book vs. the author

    If an author’s words and actions are harmful to a group of people – I’m out.

    If an author’s words and actions are harmful and self-destructive towards themselves, then you can bet that I will be advocating for access to mental healthcare.

    That makes far more sense instead of making it a sensational headline and a reason to blame bad behavior.

    Sorry to the media and the rubberneckers – focus your efforts on access to care instead of questioning if a book should be published or movie should be made.

    Let the art prevail and create access to mental health care for all.

  • Book Reviews,  mental health,  Personal,  Writing

    Wednesday Words & More: Untamed

     

     My therapist’s memo. I wouldn’t burn this one…

     

    What if we had missed The Memo?

    Or if the first person who got it, looked at it and realized it was a terrible idea and burned the memo?

    I burned the memo that defined selflessness as the pinnacle of womanhood, but first I forgave myself for believing that lie for so long…Selfless women make for an efficient society but not a beautiful, true, or just one. When women lose themselves, the world loses its way. We do not need more selfless women. (p. 75)

    I did a short review of Untamed here but I have a lot more to say. Specifically around anxiety and Glennon’s thoughts on the subject.

    Real talk: my anxiety is often all-consuming. Some of it comes from the belief that I must be selfless and available at all times. The rest of it is that I have lots to worry about.

    Some of it is real. Some of it is imagined. Some of it is planned – it is my worst case so I plan. Not because I want it to happen but because several of my worst case scenarios are no longer scenarios. They happened, I survived, but I must be on guard so they do not happen again to my family members or myself.

    I put on a good face and I try and stay busy. I love to read and I love to write. But the second life begins to flirt with the almost worst case scenario, I am not OK. I don’t read. I don’t write. And if it’s bad enough it can take me time to recover. I have always felt bad about this downtime.

    Maybe I shouldn’t.

    One of my favorite words is selah.

    Selah is found in the Hebrew Bible seventy-four times. Scholars believe that when it appears in the text, it is a direction to the reader to stop reading and be still for a moment, because the previous idea is important enough to consider deeply. (p.136)

    What are my reflections?

    What can I learn from the almost?

    What boundaries need to be set?

    What do I need to do to take care of myself?

    I live with two people who take up a lot of space. I love them and love the space that they inhabit. But with those large spaces come a huge desire to control on my part. It comes from a place a love for sure but it isn’t healthy for anyone.

    My answer? Selah. Be still.

    If I ever got a tattoo, that’s what it would be. A constant reminder that the text, the email, the phone call – they all can wait. Because if I’m not healthy I’m not going to be any good for the person on the other end.

    This book came along at the perfect time for me but I hesitate to call this book self-help. It’s far closer to a memoir or a collection of short stories. Whatever it is, her openness around addiction, anxiety and mental health are worth their weight in gold.

    Untamed is a book I will continue to revisit because there is so much good information in this book. From white privilege, to racism, to raising confident kids, to creativity – it’s all there. No, I don’t agree with everything but I don’t believe it’s the job of the author to put something out there that everyone loves and agrees with.

    But that’s another post for another day.

     

     

     

     

  • Lists,  Writing

    Top Ten Tuesday: the thankful edition

    Thanksgiving is the low pressure holiday: you cook, get together with people you enjoy being around, eat, watch football, and contemplate what you are thankful for. Easy stuff.

    I know I’m in the minority but it’s my favorite holiday.

    Today’s Top Ten is simple – what I’m thankful for. There are so many more than just ten and these are not necessarily my top ten because this list is fluid. I.E. my dogs may not make today’s list because they have been super naughty lately but ask me again next week and they might be at the top of the list.

    Here goes!

    1. My family – We have gone through so much this year and we have come out on the other side closer, more understanding, and we grew as humans together.
    2. HealthMental health in particular. There were days that I honestly didn’t know how we were going to make it to the next. Trauma is tricky thing but here we are, stronger and healthier.
    3. Resources – We are gainfully employed and have what we need; including books to read.
    4. Writing – Having a place here to write has been particularly helpful. I’m thankful that I found writing again and that it became a new way to express myself.
    5. Little things – One day I’ll tell you about what Chaney told me she used to think the library street sign was. It was hilarious and as I found myself laughing with her this past Saturday, I was keenly aware of how great it was to laugh at something small and silly.
    6. Hobbies – I obviously love to read. I also enjoy knitting. I had to give up quilting due to space several years ago but that’s about to change. I’m thankful to have artistic and creative outlets that I enjoy. Ten years ago I would have told you that I wasn’t creative at all.
    7. Time – The time I get to spend with my family is precious. Maybe it’s just because our kids are getting older but that has a way of making you acutely aware of how fast time flies. I’m grateful for the time we have to spend together and with our extended families.
    8. Change – For those who know me, they are probably laughing. But this year has been a year of change and I am grateful. It hasn’t always been easy and I know the changes aren’t finished but for the first time, I’m finding myself able to embrace change and look forward to the future – even when there are unknowns.
    9. Steve – My husband is my rock. He makes me laugh, he listens, he loves, and he’s my biggest supporter. Our family would not be where we are without him. Even when I lose my shit, he’s a pretty cool guy.
    10. Ok fine, my dogs – Buddy and Gus are old (11 & 12) but they act like puppies. That’s challenging because every day we think that they might start acting their ages. But no, every day they prove us wrong by doing something funny, ridiculous, sweet, mischievous, or crazy.

    Have a Happy Thanksgiving and don’t forget to check out the rest of Top Ten Tuesday on Artsy Reader Girl!

  • Lists

    The Proper Care & Feeding of a Bookworm: the holiday edition

    gray notebook beside tealight candle
    Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

    As November winds down and the holiday season ramps up, I decided I would make a list for myself and share it for those who need a little extra care to get through to the end of the year.

    1. Gratitude – I listed this first because gratitude sets a lot of emotions back on course. Stopping to be thankful can change your focus. It’s not to pretend that what you’re feeling doesn’t matter but it does give you a break from the sadness, anger, grief, etc.
    2. Sleep – Coming from someone who used to run on very little sleep, I’ve realized how important it is for my health.
    3. Food/exercise – If you can’t do both, pick the one you can do marginally well and stick to it. When I’m struggling, I have a hard time with the exercise part so I focus on what I eat instead.
    4. Say no – I am terrible at saying no. As in, I have a sign on my body somewhere (haven’t found it yet) that advertises this. I have really been working on this though and it is making a big difference. Plus I feel better about the things I say “yes” to because I wanted to say yes.
    5. Ask for help – My husband fusses at me about this one all the time. I don’t ask for help until I’m imploding or exploding. Asking for help, with even mundane tasks, has helped me tremendously.
    6. See a therapist – See all of the above because I basically ripped off all this from him. But seriously, my therapist has been invaluable. Finding a good one can be a bit of trial and error so don’t give up if you don’t click with the first one.
    7. Quiet moments – Plant some flowers. Turn off the TV/the noise. Pray, meditate, etc. One of the best things I do for myself in the fall is planting pansies. I get an afternoon outside, in the quiet, and add some color to the dying leaves.
    8. Readobviously. I have been on a nonfiction binge this month which is strange for me. But I think this goes back to #1 – everyone has a story and reading nonfiction has let me look at life from other perspectives.
    9. Write – It doesn’t matter what or where. Writing has helped me a lot this fall.
    10. Social media – Comparison is the thief of joy. If all the perfect table settings and Christmas trees in your feed are leaving you feeling inadequate, cut back or take a break. This also frees up time for # 1-9. Win/Win.

    Lastly, don’t be afraid to look beyond this list.

    One of my biggest pet-peeves are the quotes about “running is my therapy” or “I knit so I don’t kill people”.  Those things and the activities on this list are not a cure-all and I will be the first to admit this. In the past I have ended up in real trouble with depression believing that running, diet changes, crafting, etc were enough. These things help but please ask a doctor for help if you’re still struggling. There is no shame in taking medication or getting intensive help.

    And please, if find yourself in a really bad space where you feel like hurting yourself there is help 24/7:

    National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

    UK

    Canada

    Australia

    Now I’m going to go back and read this list to myself another 50 times. Happy Holidays!

%d bloggers like this: